Is He Emotionally Unavailable Or Is He Just Not That Into You?

Being In Love With An EUM Isn't Easy But There Are Ways To Beat Him At His Own Game

Through my coaching practice, I have been seeing and helping so many women dealing with what they think as emotional unavailability in a man. In fact I just wrote an ebook dealing with this very pertinent issue: how to date emotionally unavailable guys and come out on top. I have been pleasantly surprised by the response so far. So many women come out of the woodwork and share with me their heartbreaking stories of dealing with guys who can't or won't commit or move the relationship to the next level. Or guys who can't even label the relationship! (And the good news some have already turned it around by practicing my Feminine Magnetism tools and principles).
Sounds familiar to you? Read on....

Falling For Mr. Unavailable? Follow These Rules
First of all, how do you know if he's really emotionally unavailable or if he's just a little guarded because he's not ready to plunge in both feet or, worse still, he's just emotionally unavailable to you or in other words he's just not that into you?
Here's Why He Lies About His Actual Feelings For You
Second, if he's not ready, will he be ready one day and when he's ready he will pick you as the one? Will you just waste time with such guys? Will you feel used or feel like a temporary filler until something better comes along and then and only then he will dump you?
Third, if he's truly emotionally unavailable, is there a cure to it and should you just accept it or move on to a greener pasture?
My advice is, first of all, don't freak out or give up just because he's not ready. Yet don't pine or over-invest either. There are ways to do it right and safe to your heart. This relationship will in fact heal you from your own unreadiness and/or emotional unavailability that you are not even aware of. This relationship will prepare you for the real deal with the real man who deserves you -either him or someone BETTER! When you are ready, the right man will find and claim you. That has been my experience.
Let's explore each point separately. (But here's a quick pointer on how women turn a Prince Charming into a FROG and that's why he's pulling away)
 
Is He Really Emotionally Unavailable?

Continue Reading

20 Things No One Tells You About Life

1. Everyone is different, so your life path will never be like anyone else’s.

There is no prototype. This is no cookie cutter. There is no “How To” book. Some of your friends are going to be doctors. Some engineers. Some teachers. Some professors. You cannot follow in anyone’s footsteps because you are not them and it will never be that easy. You have to figure out, on your own, what is best for you. Not what your parents want, not what your best friend thinks, and certainly not what you think it SHOULD be, but what it is.

2. Some people are just going to be more successful than you.

It’s the most pervasive life fact in the world. Some people are just going to be perfect little angels sent from Heaven to make you look like nothingness. The main takeaway here is: do not compare yourself to them. It’s like comparing apples to oranges! Am I ever going to be you? No way Jose. But think about it this way as well: If there are a whole list of people that are better than you, there are a whole list of people that are worse than you! Tehe. Now don’t you feel better, you rockstar.

3. Don’t be scared of getting letters of recommendations.

Hey, I’m still trying to figure out this one too, but your professors, bosses, supervisors, teachers, and counselors want to help you. No one is out to get you. Yes, these people (and powerful people who will determine part of your life path) may not always remember who you are, but if you jog their memory a little, they will! So don’t be scared! Whether that letter of recommendation is for graduate school, an internship, or to help you work at Google, just reach out! Swallow the awkwardness. Laugh a little. And even if they say no or just plain forget about you, at least you tried (and f*** them).

4. If you don’t try drugs, alcohol, sex, or smoking, you’ll never know what they’re like.

You will never know, and therefore you can’t tell me it is bad. The end.

OK fine; I know studies have shown that drugs are bad for you, that smoking causes cancer, that sex can cause unplanned pregnancies and the transmission of STDs, that being drunk can lead to sex, and that some drugs are just plain illegal, but if you have never been drunk before, how can you tell me anything? The answer is you can’t. If you want to know, try it yourself. My key point here is: Try everything — just be sure not to get addicted — and forget nothing.

5. There are some bad people disguised as good people and waiting to pounce.

Hey your best friend from third grade? She’s in jail. Your roommate from your sophomore year of college? She dropped out and is stripping in Vegas now. Your current best friend? She’s actually spreading gossip to your other friends right this instant because she can’t get over the fact that you got a job at Facebook and she didn’t because “she always thought she was better than you.” There are toxic people out there and you may not recognize them at first — or even second — glance. There are always good people out there, so don’t be afraid to drop the toxic friend and keep or find the good ones. I know it’s difficult to discern the good ones from the bad, but sooner or later you will see the difference. Not all relationships are worth keeping and maintaining.

6. You will keep falling in love with people that are either not good for you or don’t like you the way you like them.

And it will be awful, hot, sexy, strange, stupid, awkward, weird, sad, perfect, and life. Because in the long run, it’s just a thing. It will not turn into marriage, you will not take a honeymoon trip to the Bahamas together and have wild crazy adventures, and they will not be there for you when your car breaks down at 3am in the middle of Oakland.

7. You need to be educated, in the book way and the street way.

Yeah man, we’ve all heard it. Finish high school, go to college, find a job, maybe go to graduate school. Yes, yes, you need all of that. Because you cannot live on the salary of an entry level job for life. But you also need the street smarts. I am not telling you to move to the hood, but you do need to do some drugs if that’s what it takes. Get beat up if that’s what it takes. Get robbed at gun point if that’s what it takes. You need to know the ins and outs of life so you don’t make the same mistake a second time.

8. Your parents are eventually going to die.

And leave nothing in the will for you. So be independent. Create a life for yourself and stop asking them for money or help, especially if you can start doing it yourself. In fact, ask THEM if they need any help; it will make them feel like you truly care and appreciate them!

9. There is going to be a lull in your life where you accomplish nothing and feel awful.

And it’s called a midlife crisis. But please, for the love of God, do not commit suicide. You are better than that. You are hot, rich, successful, the bo$$, and straight up baller. I love you, whoever you are, and in my eyes, you’re Ke$ha. And I love Ke$ha.

10. Exercise and eating healthy is key.

When you have nothing — no boyfriend, no money, no friends, and no job — at least you can exercise and eat healthy. Just pick that pack of spinach over that bowl of ramen. Just drink water over Starbucks. Live simply and freely and your body will set you free.

11. There will come a time when you look in the mirror and be like “Holy shit, I am ugly!”

But the catch is: this time, you’re proud. Of course we’re all not similarly blessed, but some people who are drop dead gorgeous are also boring and miserable. We all have our problems and flaws, so don’t let yours get to you. Have some self compassion.

12. The internet is the next big thing.

So get your seat belts on. Hold on for dear life. Learn how to use Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr, LinkedIn, Listicle, Snapchat, whatever. It ain’t going away anytime soon, so you might as well embrace it and call it love.

13. It’s OK to cry.

It’s totally OK. Sometimes I cry when I accomplish very little. Sometimes I cry because I accomplished a lot. Sometimes I cry just to cry. And sometimes I cry because I am upset. Cry if you need to; I will never judge you.

14. You shouldn’t be ashamed to move back in with your parents after college.

Yes, your freedom might get cut in half, but moving back in will get you to where you want to be in the future. You are blessed to have parents that let you move back in; it’s out of love and respect for you, not judgement and hatred.

15. Traveling ain’t all that.

Of course traveling can be fun, interesting, beautiful, and eye opening. But so is five glasses of wine and eating while drunk at 2am in the middle of a field in Davis, CA with my best friend naked. Oh boy.

16. Religion and politics need to be discussed.

Yell a little. Yell a lot. But never try to change another’s opinion. It’s their opinion after all, so don’t try to take the only thing that is theirs away from them!

17. You don’t need to be famous to have an impact.

Me giving groceries to a homeless family will impact more people than Oprah giving $1,000,000,000 to end hunger in the USA. Why? Because who really knows where that money actually goes. I, on the other hand, know exactly where my groceries went.

18. If you want to move, do it now.

Do it now because it is now or never. Once you are settled, there is basically no way in hell that you are suddenly going to drop everything and move to Hawaii to be a beach bum. Zero chance when you have a steady full time job, a family, and a life to live.

19. Learn something every day.

A new skill, how to program, how to make a bomb roasted chicken, how to read, how to listen, how to laugh appropriately, how to hug someone perfectly, what to say when your mom is sad — whatever. Just learn something! Small or big, anything works. Just don’t sit in your room every day and twiddle your thumbs like you have nothing to live for. Your life is the biggest blank canvas in the world and you totally know it.

20. Don’t be afraid.

This is NOT an exhaustive list. I am 21 years old and I basically just started life. I’m stupid, ugly, beautiful, smart, weird, bo$$, a hopeless romantic, a college student, questioning life, sad, happy, broke, rich, and living with my parents after college is is definitely in my horizon. So don’t be afraid. There will be ugly times, but there will be great times too.Credit:- thoughtcatalog

Continue Reading

4 Reasons Why Good Girls Like Bad Boys

Bad boys and good girls are drawn together more than in an "opposites attract" kind of way.

If you have been in the dating world for awhile or really just paying attention to those dating around you, you have likely noticed a universal phenomenon. Bad boys and good girls seem to naturally attract each other in more than just an opposites attract kind of way. In fact, it may well be the most self destructive type of relationship around for any number of different reasons.
The most common misperception is that the bad boy, the guy with an obvious wild side, is somehow manipulating the "good girl" and creating a fictional and therefore attractive dating relationship. In fact, in the vast majority of cases, the female part of the equation is actively seeking out that bad boy personality. Often she may be unaware of this need to be in a relationship with a guy like this unless she is willing to stop and assess how she selects her partners.

The major factors that draw a so called "good girl" into a relationship with a guy that is emotionally unavailable, unable to commit or unwilling to remain faithful and responsible in the relationship include:
1. The fixer. Many women come from a family where their father was unavailable to them emotionally. This could be from a divorce that kept the young girl and her father apart or because a father who was present physically was not really there emotionally for the child. In this situation the women attempts to recreate the same distant relationship in her own life in an attempt to "fix" the emotional distance this time around.
2. The familiar. Everyone is attracted to personality types that are familiar, even if they are not positive types. This means women who have a father who was a "bad boy" and perhaps a disaster as a husband is going to be attracted to the exact same emotional traits and characteristics in their own partners.
3. The adventurer. For some women choosing a guy who is a complete opposite and offers a change of pace, new adventure and even a bit of controlled risk is a big attractor. However, women often fail to understand that the risk taking isn't something that is carefully thought out and, with time, the risk will increase and the adventure will become more and more stressful and destructive.
4. The troubled soul. The last issue that drives many "good girls" to enter into relationships with guys who are on the wild side is the drive to rescue or to salvage what she may see as a troubled soul. In reality changing a personality is impossible unless the other person recognizes the issue and genuinely wants to make a change to keep the relationship healthy.

Continue Reading

This Is How We Date Now

We don’t commit now. We don’t see the point. They’ve always said there are so many fish in the sea, but never before has that sea of fish been right at our fingertips on OkCupid, Tinder, Grindr, Dattch, take your pick. We can order up a human being in the same way we can order up pad thai on Seamless. We think intimacy lies in a perfectly-executed string of emoji. We think effort is a “good morning” text. We say romance is dead, because maybe it is, but maybe we just need to reinvent it. Maybe romance in our modern age is putting the phone down long enough to look in each other’s eyes at dinner. Maybe romance is deleting Tinder off your phone after an incredible first date with someone. Maybe romance is still there, we just don’t know what it looks like now.

When we choose—if we commit—we are still one eye wandering at the options. We want the beautiful cut of filet mignon, but we’re too busy eyeing the mediocre buffet, because choice. Because choice. Our choices are killing us. We think choice means something. We think opportunity is good. We think the more chances we have, the better. But, it makes everything watered-down. Never mind actually feeling satisfied, we don’t even understand what satisfaction looks like, sounds like, feels like. We’re one foot out the door, because outside that door is more, more, more. We don’t see who’s right in front of our eyes asking to be loved, because no one is asking to be loved. We long for something that we still want to believe exists. Yet, we are looking for the next thrill, the next jolt of excitement, the next instant gratification.

We soothe ourselves and distract ourselves and, if we can’t even face the demons inside our own brain, how can we be expected to stick something out, to love someone even when it’s not easy to love them? We bail. We leave. We see a limitless world in a way that no generation before us has seen. We can open up a new tab, look at pictures of Portugal, pull out a Visa, and book a plane ticket. We don’t do this, but we can. The point is that we know we can, even if we don’t have the resources to do so. There are always other tantalizing options. Open up Instagram and see the lives of others, the life we could have. See the places we’re not traveling to. See the lives we’re not living. See the people we’re not dating. We bombard ourselves with stimuli, input, input, input, and we wonder why we’re miserable. We wonder why we’re dissatisfied. We wonder why nothing lasts and everything feels a little hopeless. Because, we have no idea how to see our lives for what they are, instead of what they aren’t.

And, even if we find it. Say we find that person we love who loves us. Commitment. Intimacy. “I love you.” We do it. We find it. Then, quickly, we live it for others. We tell people we’re in a relationship on Facebook. We throw our pictures up on Instagram. We become a “we.” We make it seem shiny and perfect because what we choose to share is the highlight reel. We don’t share the 3am fights, the reddened eyes, the tear-stained bedsheets. We don’t write status updates about how their love for us shines a light on where we don’t love ourselves. We don’t tweet 140 characters of sadness when we’re having the kinds of conversations that can make or break the future of our love. This is not what we share. Shiny picture. Happy couple. Love is perfect.

Then, we see these other happy, shiny couples and we compare. We are The Emoji Generation. Choice Culture. The Comparison Generation. Measuring up. Good enough. The best. Never before have we had such an incredible cornucopia of markers for what it looks like to live the Best Life Possible. We input, input, input and soon find ourselves in despair. We’ll never be good enough, because what we’re trying to measure up to just does not fucking exist. These lives do not exist. These relationships do not exist. Yet, we can’t believe it. We see it with our own eyes. And, we want it. And, we will make ourselves miserable until we get it.
So, we break up. We break up because we’re not good enough, our lives aren’t good enough, our relationship isn’t good enough. We swipe, swipe, swipe, just a bit more on Tinder. We order someone up to our door just like a pizza. And, the cycle starts again. Emoji. “Good morning” text. Intimacy. Put down the phone. Couple selfie. Shiny, happy couple. Compare. Compare. Compare. The inevitable creeping in of latent, subtle dissatisfaction. The fights. “Something is wrong, but I don’t know what it is.” “This isn’t working.” “I need something more.” And, we break up. Another love lost. Another graveyard of shiny, happy couple selfies.
On to the next. Searching for the elusive more. The next fix. The next gratification. The next quick hit. Living our lives in 140 characters, 5 second snaps, frozen filtered images, four minute movies, attention here, attention there. More as an illusion. We worry about settling, all the while making ourselves suffer thinking that anything less than the shiny, happy filtered life we’ve been accustomed to is settling. What is settling? We don’t know, but we fucking don’t want it. If it’s not perfect, it’s settling. If it’s not glittery filtered love, settling. If it’s not Pinterest-worthy, settling.
We realize that this more we want is a lie. We want phone calls. We want to see a face we love absent of the blue dim of a phone screen. We want slowness. We want simplicity. We want a life that does not need the validation of likes, favorites, comments, upvotes. We may not know yet that we want this, but we do. We want connection, true connection. We want a love that builds, not a love that gets discarded for the next hit. We want to come home to people. We want to lay down our heads at the end of our lives and know we lived well, we lived the fuck out of our lives. This is what we want even if we don’t know it yet.
Yet, this is not how we date now. This is not how we love now.
- credit to:- 

Continue Reading

5 Mistakes Women Make In Bed

1. Not initiating sex with your partner

Wanting sex means you’re a bad girl, right? At least that’s what we’re taught to believe. I’d like to challenge that belief by saying that wanting sex means you’re a living breathing human being. A sexual appetite is part of being human. If you were some sort of goddess or something from another dimension perhaps you’d be evolved beyond this simple drive but for now you eat, sleep, shit, and fuck. How’s that for frank?
Men like to be in control. Men like to be out of control. Play with the grey area in between and initiate sex the next time you feel like doing so. See what happens. You’ll probably be pleasantly surprised.

2. Worrying about what you look like

Who cares that you have cellulite? Certainly not the guy you’re banging wholeheartedly. He’s too busy responding to a partner who is engaged, fun & frisky. A partner who knows what she’s doing sexually. He doesn’t care about the tramp stamp tattoo from college and the fact that your toenail polish doesn’t match your fingernails. He could care less. What he wants is that slice of heaven between your thighs. He wants inside you, sister. The gift wrap doesn’t really matter, at this point, he’s digging into the present. So who gives a shit.

3. Believing he’s always up for sex

Sometimes he’s tired and cranky just like you. He may not always be in the mood. He’s not a wind-up toy, for God’s sake. Perhaps he had a rough day at the office or the kids are driving him nuts. Maybe he’s sweating that extra 10 pounds he put on or just way too wasted to have sex tonight. It happens. Go with the flow. He may not want it. That doesn’t necessarily mean he doesn’t want you – it means he doesn’t want the hot, sweaty, messiness of sex this instant. Give him a time out. Then reassess.

4. Not giving him guidance

Allow your body to move with his and suggest new ways of touching you. You don’t have to get out your laser pen and get buried in the details like a professor; rather, you can demonstrate what you like through non-verbals. Move his hands where you want them, establish the pace that you like, emphasize with your moans what feels nice. If you want to get all analytical tell him what you like. Men love it when women can be 100% honest about what turns them on. It takes the guesswork out of it.

5. Getting upset when he suggests something new

Variety is the spice of life. A few months back the guy I was with was interested in group action. That’s never been my thing, per se, but I’m open to new ideas. I didn’t get upset instead I got curious. I wanted to know what made this dude tick sexually. So group action was it? Hmmm… Well I’ve certainly heard worse… We ended up going to a couple of swinger’s parties and while the parties were depressing (everyone was really old and ugly) we came away with a newfound respect for one another. We kept it honest and that kept things interesting.

Continue Reading

HELP THEM TO MAKE THIS CHRISTMAS SPECIAL FOR THE LESS FORTUNATE. YOU CHOOSE, THEY DONATE!

In light of the holiday season Hellofood and Rotary Club of Bahari (Dar es Salaam) is running a Corporate Social Responsibility campaign called Light Up A Soul. This campaign allows the public to go to the following page www.lightupasoul.hellofood.co.tz/csr/ and choose what they would like to donate and Hellofood will donate it for them.

Continue Reading

10 Steps To Improve Your Coaching Business

Take your coaching business from mediocre to great in no time…

When it comes to launching a coaching business, there are a few smart steps that can transform even the most ordinary business into something truly special and profitable. After working with thousands of Experts in our YourTango Experts service we have narrowed down all of the best business development and marketing advice into the following ten tips. They’re the same tips that we offer all of our business clients and they can certainly help you too.
As you settle in, ask yourself: Which ones are you doing well? What needs a little help? Which ones haven’t even made your radar yet? Then make a commitment to yourself to get started. If you want help, we’re here and info on how to connect with us is below.

1. Define your niche:
Every practice needs to have something that defines it, and usually that definition comes from our clients. For some the idea of niching brings up the concern that you’ll be limiting clients when, in fact, the opposite is true. By creating a well-defined niche you create a smart way to target your practice to others who are seeking your services. A general practice can work in small towns, but to improve your coaching business, you want to leverage your experience to draw in the right people.
To get started, ask yourself the following questions:

• What topics are you particularly good at talking about—be as specific as you can.
• What kind of clients do you enjoy—couples, singles, divorcees – who is your cup of tea?
• Who is your IDEAL client?
• What clients leave you energized when the session is over?

Try to work on defining your niche based on these parameters and this will help to drive the “best” clients to your door.
2. Get online:
Every coaching business needs to arm itself with a few smart tools that work for you when you’re sleeping. The most important of those include: your website, your blog & your store.
Your website serves as your online business card telling all who visit who you are, what you do and how to contact you.
Your blog serves as your online megaphone- it’s how you talk to the public and demonstrate your expertise. This allows clients to research and decide on you before meeting you.
Your store serves as the platform on your site to sell your wares to the public. It also creates a stream of income that increases your bottom line. Often the relevance of a store comes into play after you’ve started writing and transformed that writing into e-books and downloads.
3. Write:
Many coaches think that to start writing that you have to be a rock star, academic writer. Today that’s just not the case. Obviously you want the content you publish to be of high quality and offer your readers great information, but writing, like all things in life, is a process. If you let your desire for perfection stop you from putting your advice, thoughts and musings online, you’ll never get started.

Continue Reading